What I read #3: How do you know if he/she is the one?
In his book "Yes we (still) can", Dan Pfeiffer wrote about the love advice he got from Barack Obama. He told him to ask himself the following three questions:
Life and feelings are complicated as it is, so being able to bring it down to three simple questions really makes things easier. When I apply it to the two guys that I had been genuinely in love with, not one day was boring with them and I found every word they said interesting. This wasn't difficult as I fall for the quiet types, who don't small talk and only speak when they actually have something to say.
They also brought a smile to my face no matter how crappy I felt, without doing anything special. I was able to make it through painful and dark times by looking forward to the precious 30 minutes I could spend with him, while walking back home from school, or the Saturdays at my home, where I was able to be myself and feel safe. As a hopeless romantic, I also like to reenact love scenes from TV series and movies and they cooperated without complaining. While those scenes are romantic and serious, I played the roles in a comedic way. I seriously had a lot of fun during my relationships. I also really like the person I am, when he is around. I think that is also really important. He/she makes you be a better person than when you are alone. With this, I don't mean that you are manipulated or forced to be a certain way, but coming from yourself, you want to be better to them and for them.
What's also a good sign to know if you got the right one is that he/she looks at you like they are seeing one of the wonders of the world (almost cannot keep their mouths closed, Chinese people call this O-mouth). It is especially visible in pictures taken without noticing and while the significant other is unaware of the gaze.
The question about children is personally a bit difficult to answer, as I am not sure if I want children after all that I have seen and experienced as a child. But if I was allowed to raise a baby boy with the first guy I met, I think he would be a great father. He was a bit less mature than me and easily swayed, but he had a kind heart, a non-violent character, and he was stable and not complicated, unlike me. The second guy I met, was strong, kind, protective, and responsible, but sometimes, blinded by emotions and caring too much about being accepted by others. He made me have feelings of wanting to have a warm and loving family of my own for the first time ever, even after all what happened to me. That was pretty scary and it made me flee, but I am still amazed by how safe he made feel (cured my insomnia and dislike of being touched).
A fortune teller once told me as a child that my future was full of suffering (even though I already suffered more than enough by then), but he promised me that I would fall in love at least once. I would get to experience what happiness is. This thought has kept me alive and I don't regret keep on trying until I met kind people. Because they are rare, that's why they should be treasured.
A bit off topic: Whatever the fortune teller said and what I personnally saw/envisioned with my own eyes in his presence actually happened (hidden talent of mine?). He said that I cannot change my fate (I barely left the house unless I had a good reason and I still couldn't dodge the bad things happening to me) and that I should just enjoy every day as if my last.
I did do that. I fully enjoyed and took in many beautiful sunsets, I travelled to the end of the world, I saw fireflies in person, I climbed a mountain, I got on a boat, I have flown to many places on this planet, I have floated in water and had onsen baths in Japan (still working hard to own my own personal pool/large bath, so that I can have water therapy whenever I want), I lived by myself and abroad too, I tried every tasty dish I could find, I loved deeply without fear, and I have no regrets.
- Do you find him/her interesting?
- Does he/she make you laugh and do you share the same sense of humor?
- Will he/she be a good parent to your children?
Life and feelings are complicated as it is, so being able to bring it down to three simple questions really makes things easier. When I apply it to the two guys that I had been genuinely in love with, not one day was boring with them and I found every word they said interesting. This wasn't difficult as I fall for the quiet types, who don't small talk and only speak when they actually have something to say.
They also brought a smile to my face no matter how crappy I felt, without doing anything special. I was able to make it through painful and dark times by looking forward to the precious 30 minutes I could spend with him, while walking back home from school, or the Saturdays at my home, where I was able to be myself and feel safe. As a hopeless romantic, I also like to reenact love scenes from TV series and movies and they cooperated without complaining. While those scenes are romantic and serious, I played the roles in a comedic way. I seriously had a lot of fun during my relationships. I also really like the person I am, when he is around. I think that is also really important. He/she makes you be a better person than when you are alone. With this, I don't mean that you are manipulated or forced to be a certain way, but coming from yourself, you want to be better to them and for them.
What's also a good sign to know if you got the right one is that he/she looks at you like they are seeing one of the wonders of the world (almost cannot keep their mouths closed, Chinese people call this O-mouth). It is especially visible in pictures taken without noticing and while the significant other is unaware of the gaze.
The question about children is personally a bit difficult to answer, as I am not sure if I want children after all that I have seen and experienced as a child. But if I was allowed to raise a baby boy with the first guy I met, I think he would be a great father. He was a bit less mature than me and easily swayed, but he had a kind heart, a non-violent character, and he was stable and not complicated, unlike me. The second guy I met, was strong, kind, protective, and responsible, but sometimes, blinded by emotions and caring too much about being accepted by others. He made me have feelings of wanting to have a warm and loving family of my own for the first time ever, even after all what happened to me. That was pretty scary and it made me flee, but I am still amazed by how safe he made feel (cured my insomnia and dislike of being touched).
A fortune teller once told me as a child that my future was full of suffering (even though I already suffered more than enough by then), but he promised me that I would fall in love at least once. I would get to experience what happiness is. This thought has kept me alive and I don't regret keep on trying until I met kind people. Because they are rare, that's why they should be treasured.
A bit off topic: Whatever the fortune teller said and what I personnally saw/envisioned with my own eyes in his presence actually happened (hidden talent of mine?). He said that I cannot change my fate (I barely left the house unless I had a good reason and I still couldn't dodge the bad things happening to me) and that I should just enjoy every day as if my last.
I did do that. I fully enjoyed and took in many beautiful sunsets, I travelled to the end of the world, I saw fireflies in person, I climbed a mountain, I got on a boat, I have flown to many places on this planet, I have floated in water and had onsen baths in Japan (still working hard to own my own personal pool/large bath, so that I can have water therapy whenever I want), I lived by myself and abroad too, I tried every tasty dish I could find, I loved deeply without fear, and I have no regrets.
