Gratitude journal #1

Ever since I was a little kid, I easily feel depressed and I seem to have developed a somewhat pessimistic view on the world over the years. It just slowly creeps up on you. But today, I received some Thanksgiving messages from family on Wechat and it made me realize once again that no matter how dark the clouds are, every cloud has a silver lining.

This was the message that struck a chord:
"Today is Thanksgiving, I am thankful for my parents who always see me as a treasure even though I am ordinary, I am thankful for my friends who stay with me through thick and thin, even though we are not tied by blood, I am thankful for the people who had hurt me, as the hardships made me mature faster, I am thankful for the people who love me, as they taught me how to cherish, and I am thankful for myself, who always works hard. Thank you for being part of my journey. I will never forget to be humble and down to earth. I will always be grateful and counting my blessings. "

It inspired me to start a gratitude journal on my blog. No matter how stupid, insignificant, and small, they may seem to others. I will write down everything that I am grateful for and what brought a smile to my face. To start with, I have four things:

1. I am funny and intelligent (although I might be the only one who thinks that way 😋)
2. I didn't turn bitter or stopped believing in good people. Although I keep hiding in my shell, I still reach out to people every once in a while (after a long observation period though!). I also helped people in need, even though I never received any help myself when I needed it the most. I had been let down so much, I still find it hard to ask for help and be vulnerable. But when I lose hope, I always seem to meet people who show me acts of kindness.
3. No matter how much I hated myself and blamed myself for all the bad things that happened to me, I met some amazing people who loved me no matter what and believed me, when odds were all against me. Special thanks to: the girl who lived next door, Sylvana (sadly lost touch with her after she moved), my first crush (I met him at the family and friends barbeque near the lake in my neighbourhood, when I was 6 years old, and he was the only one who noticed that I was feeling down and sulking on my own), and my first boyfriend, who I met in high school (he made me feel that every day was worth living and no matter how sad or depressed I felt, I automatically smiled when I saw his face).
4. Even though my parents aren't perfect, I think they did what they thought was best and tried to be good parents as much as they could. I always thought that parents and a happy family were supposed to be like what they show in tv series and movies, but now, I know that every relationship has its ups and downs. Nobody is perfect. It is all about how much you are willing to give and take. If you both can balance it well, the relationship will hold. But when it is leaning on one side, it is bound to go wrong.

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